The Brave Mother

Waking this morning with a very heavy heart …
I am not ready nor prepared for what is coming.  Although we have been discussing it, and trying to accept it, my head, heart, soul and body is struggling.  I am the proudest I have ever been today as a mom, I can’t imagine being more proud ever in this lifetime.  I am the saddest ever this day as a mom.  I will have many emotions for months to come {years}.

I will struggle
I will cry
I will smile and reflect
I will be strong
I will be sad
I will find courage
I will be afraid
I will be confused
I will be angry
I will be vunerable
I will pray
I will talk to God
I WILL BE BRAVE
The past seven months has been spent preparing and discussing.  We have been going through the process as a family.  The decision was made and as a mother I am to be supportive.  I am needed to be strong for him.  He needs me to be strong, he needs me to stay back and be proud, he needs my strength.  Never had I ever imagined this day would come.  Never had I imagined that I was to be one of these moms.  I had never imagined hearing him tell us about the huge, life changing decision he was going to make.  The sacrifice he was considering.  The journey he was willing to accept and take on.  The past seven months is not enough, because the time has come and the clock is ticking.  I am not ready, nor am I prepared.  I want to kick and scream and have a tantrum like a child, I want to hold him and beg him not to go.  I want to cry am crying hard.   I don’t know how to do this.  I don’t know how to accept it.  I have to.
My body hurts and aches.  It is crumbling inside.  I am physically sick.  I want to give him something in life to replace this need of purpose.  I want to keep telling him we are already so proud, he does not need to do this.  He tells me he knows, but this is what he needs to do.  This is what is calling him.  He is strong physically and mentally.  He has been preparing longer than I have.  We have had talked many talks.  We have cried, and held each other.  He has explained to me.  I can see it in his eyes, I can feel it in his soul, he truly wants to help and make a difference.  He wants to give himself to help others.  He is willing to do this for our country.  I have to be willing to share him.
So to the 75th Ranger Regiment Program {The Army Elite}, I WILL share my son with you.  I will lend him to you, but you will return him to me.  You have an amazing man getting ready to stand amongst you.  Do US proud.
To our son, I love you more than I love myself.  You know this, you know.  I am today and forever the proudest.  You have your angels watching over you.  You have my own determination and voice in you.  Dad and I are with you every single day, every moment.  I am holding you every single day.  I will repeat the words you gave to me … My son is a bad ass mother f****er!
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I LOVE YOU MIKE … do what you need to do and get back to us.
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Comments

  1. You are a brave mom and your son is grave for serving!

  2. I am sitting her with tears streaming down my face, so beautifully written. What a brave and honorable son and as a Mom, I can’t imagine how hard this is for you, but I am sending you good thoughts to make it through this time. And thank you Mike for your service.
    Sara @ Life Between the Miles recently posted…The Weekly Wrap Up-Rock CF Half Marathon training Week 4My Profile

  3. *heart squeeze*

    can’t even imagine. My heart goes out to both of you. You are both warriors.
    Beth Teliho recently posted…Secret Circle of AwesomeMy Profile

  4. I adore you! You are a strong mama! We desperately need to have this conversation we were meant to have months ago!
    Smitha @ Running with SD Mom recently posted…Wednesday #GIVEAWAY Roundup – #WinAllThePrizesMy Profile

  5. Kelly@LeafyNotBeefy says:

    Cannot even begin to fathom….. Thank you to your son, though, for his love for our country and citizens, and lots of hugs to you!!

  6. Oh Lynda! Beautifully expressed. You should be so proud and of course part of you wants your baby (they’re always babies, right?) to stay safe at home. Big hugs to you, strong mama!!

  7. This was beautiful, Lynda!! Your son is so brave and you are such a kind caring mother! Sending you lots of love!

  8. Oh, you are so brave! This was beautiful!

  9. Oh my goodness! I can’t even imagine the mixture of feelings you’ve expressed here. From my mama heart to yours, great big hugs!!

  10. I cannot even imagine…thank you for being supportive of him and thank you to him for serving his country. I appreciate all that he will do, and he WILL come back. But as a mama, my heart aches with yours.

  11. I feel your pain and it is OK to cry. All mothers do, no matter what there children do. Though my children did not join the armed forces, they had many decisions that I was not prepared for. I pray for your strength and his save return.

  12. I can’t even imagine all the emotions you are going through. This is so beautifully written, and I can feel how scared you are, but also how proud. It sounds like you’ve raised an amazing son, and I wish him the best of luck. Please thank him for his service to our Country.
    Shann Eva recently posted…Personalized Valentine’s Day GiftMy Profile

  13. Oh girl! My heart breaks for you! I’ll be praying for you and for your son! Hugs!

  14. You are both brave. Take care.

  15. Beautifully written, Lynda! Your son and your whole family are so brave. A million thanks for his service. Xoxox

  16. Wow. That is hard. Good luck!

  17. You’re so sweet! Continue to be proud of the beautiful young man that you raised + support him in every way<3

  18. you have raised a strong selfless man and you should be so proud of that! wishing strength to get you through
    michelle recently posted…Ideas for a Friends Themed PartyMy Profile

  19. Ohhh bless your boots, Lynda…what a muddle of feelings! I’m so glad you wrote this, as a way of untangling them a bit, and of sharing with us just how brave and wonderful your son is. I hope very much that he has an amazing, fulfilling time with this purpose, and that so SO much good comes of his participation and efforts for peace and safety.
    Lizzi recently posted…Read me…My Profile

  20. Wow…I can’t even imagine what you are feeling right now. Thank your son for feeling the desire to serve our country.
    Maureen recently posted…Whole30 Round 2, Day 7 {WIAW}My Profile

  21. Beautifully written Lynda brought a tear to my eye. Thank you to your son for wanting to help keep us all safe. Prayers that he comes back safe and sound very soon.
    Deborah @ Confessions of a mother runner recently posted…Yaktrax & Snowshoes tips & tricksMy Profile

  22. Ohhhhh man! Brave mama! We are lucky to have him serve. I remember my brothers first deployment and I cannot imagine going through that as a mother now. Thank you for your words and sharing your son!
    Melissa recently posted…Rituals: Worshipping Yourself Inside and OutMy Profile

  23. What a great post and tribute to your son. Thanks to him for his service!

  24. “I will lend him to you, but you will return him to me”

    Spoken like a true mom. I got teary just reading that. My sons are 4 and 2 and I am hopeful that it that is ever their path, I will be as gracious as you

    Kylee
    http://www.kyleecooks.com
    (PS: found you from the bloghop)
    Kylee Ayotte recently posted…Valentine’s Day Saltine Toffee TreatsMy Profile

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