Finding My Way As An Army Mom

When life hits a bump in the road and you feel as if God is giving you {yet once again} something more than you can handle, you stop and take the longest of breaths.  You literally stop.  At least that is what I have done.  Since hearing the official word from our son about his leaving for the Army Ranger program and actually seeing the paper work, the last few weeks has had me feeling as if the heaviest of loads has been suffocating me.  I can’t seem to function on all cylinders and it is crippling.  I am not used to this, I am normally very together, organized and timely.  On task with work {like my blogging} and my job at home.  The simplest of daily routines seem to be interrupted by the distraction in my mind.  Pure Barre class has me in a daze and not paying attention, planning dinner for the family ends up being something like eggs and cereal, or heated leftover whatever.  I am forgetful, tired and sad.  I find myself feeling as if I can get through a day an hour, then I start to cry.  The crying is different each time, a few tears or full blown sobbing and wanting to scream into a pillow.  I want the pain in my chest to go away, the lump in my throat to disappear.

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I know this is not about me, I know this is about him {our son}.  But it is about us {our family}, the five of us are scared, stressed, nervous, sad and proud.  I know we are not the first or last family to experience this.  I just am trying to find a place to put all of this and a way to live each day from now and the next five years.  Will I we be okay?  Of course.  Will our son be okay?  God willing, yes.  I have two other children here at home that need my attention, that need their mom to get it together.  How do we do it all?  I am not going to medicate myself to get through a day.  I won’t find myself pouring something from a bottle while the kids are at school.  I might eat more chocolate than normally or binge watch episodes of I Love Lucy, something about her makes me laugh and I feel as if life is funny and all is okay.

Do we have to get through basic training, airborne, and ranger elite school?  Yes, yes we do.  I know he is going to kick some a** and without a doubt get through it all.  I know he is in a safe place, I get it.  However, the fact that our son took it upon himself to WANT to go and serve the country as a special forces officer is just amazing.  So yeah I can have these feelings and emotions, no matter what someone might want to interject.  This is not like packing up a daughter or son, and sending them off to college to live in a safe and cozy environment surrounded by friends or family, this is a bit darker, it makes it a bit scarier.

I wish so badly that my mind would slow down, that I could get focused and back on track.  It just depends on the day or hour.  I am finding that blogging about a healthy lifestyle and sharing all that it encompasses, will have to include the real hard stuff in life.  This is not going to become an every day habit of grief writing, however it is a new and huge part of our world and lifestyle.

“I’m Exhausted From Trying To Be Stronger Than I Feel”

From here on out, the best I can do is just do my best.  Stay motivated, keep going, stop when I need to.  Is everyday going to be a challenge?  Most likely, at least for a while, but I have always been ready for challenges and I plan on tackling this one with all I’ve got.

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Comments

  1. Lynda I’m sorry to see you having such a hard time with your son’s decision. I do think that everything you are describing is comepletely normal. Have you looked into finding a group of moms who are in the same boat to talk to? Perhaps that would give you some comfort. Will be thinking of you
    Deborah @Confessions of a mother runner recently posted…Part 2- Ageless Fitness: Women’s views on fitness as they ageMy Profile

    • I am in the early stages of looking for the right support groups. I am also looking to connect with groups/moms who have Army Ranger kids {this would be even more fitting for me}. Thank you for your thoughts, I will get through this. It is obviously going to be a task for sure.
      Lynda recently posted…Finding My Way As An Army MomMy Profile

  2. You’ll get through this, most definitely, and I’m glad you have a strategy in mind for finding the support you need from others. I think it’s right, though, to allow yourself these feelings and to acknowledge that for now at least, things might be a bit topsy turvy. I’m glad you’re sharing that it’s okay, it’s explainable and utterly understandable to be in a turmoil and to lose track of thigs around the edges. It will be that way for all of you until you adjust to your ‘new normal’, and discover thigs are coming back under control. Hang on in there 🙂 You got this.

    • Thank you Lizzi xoxox I am so not used to this “turmoil”, it sucks! I know whatever I am feeling, our son is feeling even worse. I don’t know what normal is right now. I do feel as if I am slowly falling apart, but then I grab and hold on to whatever. I am learning to be accepting of sharing my feelings, I need to be totally honest and real {especially here}. Life is not just pretty instagram pictures and fun facebook postings, it is real, raw and sometimes sad and scary. I appreciate the support for sure.
      Lynda recently posted…Finding My Way As An Army MomMy Profile

  3. I know how hard this must be for you. What a difficult thing to experience, being proud and scared at the same time. Praying for you. I appreciate you sharing your honesty and heart in all of this.

  4. So appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. It is really special that you are able to share this way. It will be very helpful for you as you go through the process.

  5. Hugs to you I hate your having such a difficult time with this. There are groups to help and support you through this. I hope you find the right one for you. 🙂
    Tricia@MissSippipiddlin recently posted…Using Evernote for BloggingMy Profile

  6. It sounds like you’re in a difficult situation with something that’s hard to accept. I think the image toward the bottom of your post is so true – that sometimes the best thing we can do is let go and have faith that things will work out. I hope you are able to find some peace soon.

  7. Wow, I am so sorry. I bet that is sooo scary and hard. I am not a mother yet but I can’t imagine how scared I would feel. I will pray for you and your family. You must be a great mom to raise such a brave son.
    Danielle Greco | AccordingtoD.com

  8. That last quote said it best. Trust in the process. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be you. Hugs my friend.
    Smitha @ Running with SD Mom recently posted…My Favorite Finds from the Gluten Free Allergy Free Expo and a Nuttzo #GIVEAWAYMy Profile

  9. love the quote! and wow my son is only 6 months old so im not going to pretend to relate however your son is so brave as are you for giving your love and support to him no matter how difficult 😉
    Josephine recently posted…Still Chasing A PRMy Profile

  10. Lynda, your son is doing an amazing and brave thing. We all have your back as you let go and say goodbye. So much love coming your way! XOXO

  11. Your son is so strong and amazing for wanting to serve our country! And you’re so strong and amazing for supporting him in this! So much love for you all!
    Liz recently posted…Sip ‘n’ Sweat Date Night!My Profile

  12. Sending Sweat Pink Love your way! You are definitely one Army Strong momma. <3 xoxo.

  13. I imagine this is definitely hard for everyone in your family. But what an amazing son you raised to love this country so much to want to join up and help protect it. There is a special place in my heart for people who choose to do this. I was raised with a dad who was in the military for 30 years, and you just become a different person and love this country so much more and have so much more respect for those who serve and the history of this nation.
    That quote time heals, it’s definitely true. It’s hard right now, but as your son gets out and starts sharing about his training and everything I think it will build up your confidence in what he is doing more and more and you can let go of some of the worry.
    Runaway Bridal Planner recently posted…Marathons Worth Traveling For – Mount Desert Island MarathonMy Profile

  14. Lynda, my Mom heart goes out to you. As Mom to three sons, I simply can’t imagine what you are going through. I do think as your son adapts to his new life and new assignments, you will find some comfort. Life is messy — not Pinterest Pretty of Facebook Perfect. Use your blog as an outlet! You will find valuable support.
    HoHo Runs recently posted…ABCs Of MeMy Profile

  15. While I don’t have kids so I can’t know your pain, I can imagine how scary it must be to have a loved one going into the armed forces. I don’t think I would be able to handle it so I totally sympathize. Maybe writing about it helped some? I know sometimes getting it off my chest helps me. And I hope running helps you too- whenever I’ve felt off or down or really upset and confused about something going for a run has always been a way to clear my mind and get back on track. Keeping your family in my thoughts <3

  16. Hugs to you and your family. It’s hard letting go and standing back as our kids head out into the real world to slay their own dragons. Two of our kids are “away” at college (one is graduating in May), and it’s weird to think our time as a family of five all under the same roof is never gonna be the same. As proud as you are of your son, it’s OK to also be scared. You’re smart to acknowledge that fear and not ignore it. You’re being real. My husband is a retired Air Force Lt Cnl, and he did spend some time deployed in Kyrgystan a few years ago…I know and understand what you’re feeling. Stay strong 😉
    Kim Hatting recently posted…Me and my #hashtagsMy Profile

  17. Sending hugs your family’s way. I have family and friends who serve/have served in the military. Lean on each other, and lean on the other moms. It’s OK to feel this way and only you can find your way of accepting it.
    Lesley recently posted…Thinking Out Loud 2/25My Profile

  18. I’m so sorry you’re feeling scared. This post made me tear up myself and I’m not even a mom. You do have so much to be proud of! It’s ok to be sad right now. I know it will pass and your family will be even stronger.

  19. Thanks to your son for signing up to protect our country!

  20. Like with all things in life, you’ll eventually find a way to cope with your son’s decision. Hopefully a support group will help provide the support you’re in need of. And thanks in advance to your son for serving our country. Its an honor that should never be taken lightly.
    Kathryn @ Dancing to Running recently posted…Friday Five – Potpourri v. 12My Profile

  21. We will never have a tougher job being a mom and oh, those boys! I hope each day you feel a little better because I know deep down you are so super proud of him! What a great decision on his part and we are all thankful for men like him out there! Enjoy your wine and smile, thinking of you!
    Mary Beth Jackson recently posted…Love that confident feeling!My Profile

  22. We never do stop worrying about our kids, do we? My 18 year old gives me plenty of sleepless nights, and I’m powerless to do anything to send him on his life path. Sigh….

  23. What a proud mama you must be but at the same time……I feel your sadness, freight and worry. You are being a mom,,,,,totally normal!

    Thank you to your son for his service and thank you to your family for loaning him to us!

    I hope your days get a bit easier and the normalcy comes back for you and your family.

    Toasting a glass of Petite Shiraz to you! Cheers my friend!

  24. Hang in there! It sounds like you have a tight knit family. Stay strong!

  25. I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you! My brother in law is considering military and it’s definitely a scary thing to think about! You and your family will be in my thoughts!

  26. It sounds like you’re really persevering through this tough time for your family! The quote at the bottom of your post is perfect. My thoughts and thanks go out to you son and your whole family.
    Chaitali recently posted…Friday 5 – Anniversary plansMy Profile

  27. That’s definitely a hard situation to be in, but thank you to your son for his service! I’m really glad you have a plan in mind on finding support and figuring out how to deal with this. Maybe there will be support groups nearby that you can look into with other parents who are in the same (or similar) situation? Hang in there! Sending lots of love and prayers to your family! I hope your days get easier! <3
    Farrah recently posted…Fuel Your Day with Hemp Heart BarsMy Profile

  28. Your son is doing such an amazing and such a brave thing, and I just love how authentically and genuinely you’re sharing your journey!

  29. Thinking of you Lynda ! I am starting to dread the day my kids will leave the house… only a couple years away now. Finding some kind of support group, as several suggested seems like a great idea.
    Karen – Fit in France recently posted…Runfessions : Pet peevesMy Profile

  30. i’m so sorry you are having a rough time. I do not have children of my own but I can’t image going though what you are going through. Good luck and stay strong!

  31. Oh Lynda, my heart aches for you! I remember when my brother joined the navy many years ago. I was in high school and it was SO hard for my mom!
    Just from reading bits and pieces about you, I have full faith that you WILL get though this, even if it includes a few more bottles of wine, some chocolate and I love Lucy! Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers, as well as your son!

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